The Ultimate Survey About Me

Questions are more revealing than answ... no, not always true... One of the lessons the Little Prince learns on his travels to distant planets is that parents are more interested in numbers and status and are never interested in your favourite friend's favourite colour.

The original version of this survey and the idea for the survey belongs to:
Steph Mineart © Copyright 1994-2005. A Commonplace Book

Who are you?

I am really quite disembodied from myself, to pin me down is like sucking ghosts into ghostbuster boxes. I am ethereal.

Full name as it appears on your birth certificate?

Tanya Pretorius

What do you like to be called?




Alias? (Middle name, street you grew up on)

Park (hee, hee, I am a couch potato)

Stripper/drag queen name? (Name of first pet, mother's maiden name)?

Whiskey Giles

Mobster Nickname?


Star Wars Nickname?


Spell check name (words that replace your name in spell check)?

Tanya Pretors

Superhero name?


Superhero powers?

Invisible, really strong

What volunteering do you do or have you done?

Uthingo Women's Group (current), taught English on Saturdays (Deliwe)

Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake?



Pretoria, Gauteng, South Africa


26 September 1967, 07h10

Sun sign?


Moon sign?


Other Librans?

This list contains only the names of people that are familiar to me, even if I struggled to include them:
Mahatma Gandhi, Snoop Dogg, Jackie Collins, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Harold Pinter, Aleister Crowley, Friedrich Nietzsche, Oscar Wilde, Eugene O'Neill, Louis Althusser, Arthur Miller, Rita Hayworth, Arthur Rimbaud, Doris Lessing, Alfred Nobel, Gwen Stefani, Gore Vidal, Graham Greene, Alicia Silverstone, Giuseppe Verdi, F. Scott Fitzgerald, William Faulkner, T. S. Eliot, Martin Heidegger, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Timothy Leary, Alvin Toffler, David Lee Roth, Truman Capote, Snoop Dogg, Vladimir Putin, Bruce Springsteen, Sigourney Weaver, Suzanne Somers, Jackson Browne, Randy Quaid, Henry James, Mark Hamill, John Mellencamp, Brigitte Bardot, Janeane Garofalo, Angie Dickenson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Greer Garson, Klaus Kinski, Jerry Lee Lewis, Madeline Kahn, Rebecca De Mornay, Deborah Kerr, Lillian Gish, Terry McMillan, Angie Dickinson, Fran Drescher, Eric Stoltz, Walter Matthau, Jimmy Carter, Julie Andrews, Sting, Ashlee Simpson, Tommy Lee, Neve Campbell, Buster Keaton, Charlton Heston, Susan Sarandon, Armand Assante, Donald Pleasence, Glynis Johns, Jeff Conaway, Karen Allen, Bob Geldof, Kate Winslet, Carole Lombard, Britt Ekland, Paul Hogan, Jesse Jackson, Chevy Chase, Matt Damon, Scott Bakula, Peter Coyote, Eleanor Roosevelt, Joan Cusack, Luciano Pavarotti, Elizabeth Shue, Margaret Thatcher, Paul Simon, Marie Osmond, Kelly Preston, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Roger Moore, Katharine Mansfield, Cliff Richard, Heinrich Himmler, John LeCarre, Sarah Ferguson, Angela Lansbury, Tim Robbins, Montgomery Clift, Evelyn Waugh, Margot Kidder, Eminem, Chuck Berry, George C. Scott, Pam Dawber, Martina Navratilova, Jean-Claude van Damme, John le Carre, John Lithgow, Dizzy Gillespie, Carrie Fisher, Jimmie Foxx, Frances Drake, Tony Roberts, Catherine Deneuve, Jeff Goldblum, Michael Douglas, Christopher Reeve, Anne Robinson, Anne Rice, Trevor Howard, Michel Foucault, Tom Bosley, Günter Grass, George Peppard, Barbara Walters, Ray Charles, Cheryl Tiegs, Richard Harris, Fay Weldon, Desmond Tutu, Winnie Mandela, Andrei Chikatilo, Johnnie Cochran, Ralph Lauren, Serena Williams, Nicky Hilton, Avril Lavigne, John Houseman, Al Capp, E. E. Cummings, Buster Keaton, Walter Pidgeon, George Gershwin, Christabel Pankhurst, Groucho Marx, Scott Baio, Heather Locklear, Jean Sagal, Melissa Sue Anderson, Will Smith, Toni Braxton, Hansie Cronje, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Ernie Els, Mary Daly, bell hooks, Barbara Walters, Rona Barrett, Jenna Elfman

Had your Astrological Chart made up?


Enneagram type, Enneagram number

1 (One). Go to Eclectic Energies to do the Enneagram test.

Other 1s

This list contains only the names of people that are familiar to me, even if I struggled to include them:
Mahatma Gandhi, Hilary Clinton, Al Gore, John Paul II, Martha Stewart, Ralph Nader, Katherine Hepburn, Harrison Ford, Vanessa Redgrave, Jane Fonda, Meryl Streep, George Harrison, Celene Dion, Joan Baez, George Bernard Shaw, Noam Chomsky, Michael Dukakis, Margaret Thatcher, Rudolph Guliani, Jane Curtin

Numerologically speaking

4 (Four)

What Tarot Card are you?

You are The Moon
Hope, expectation, Bright promises. The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window. The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.
What Tarot Card are you?
Take the Tarot test to find out.


ENFJ - The Sage (or Mentor)
ENFJs are lively and enthusiastic facilitators who apply warmth and vision to helping people and meeting their needs. They are aware of people's aspirations and develop plans of action to make those aspirations into reality. They like organization and closure. They are at their best facilitating situations that require interpersonal sensitivity. ENFJs are tolerant and appreciative of others, seeking involvement with them in life's tasks. They are able communicators who are liberal in showing appreciation for others... more.


Famous ENFJs
Oprah Winfrey, Tony Blair, Michael York, Patrick Swayze, Michael York, Heather Graham, Ben Stiller, Johnny Depp, Ben Affleck, Margaret Mead, Matthew McConaughey, Abraham Lincoln, John Cusack, Annette Bening, Nicole Kidman, Nastassia Kinsky, Friedrich Nietzsche, Thomas Mann, Josef Goebbels, Adolf Hitler, Pete Sampras, Richard Gere,.

Notable events on the day you were born?

Ja, ummm, not a damn thing. Just a buncha dead men and really old wars.

Women born on my birthday?

Olivia Newton-John (singer), Linda Hamilton (actor), Serena Williams (tennis player), Anne Robinson (anchor), Julie London (actor), Winnie Mandela (activist)

Men born on my birthday?

T.S. Eliot (playwright), Martin Heidegger (philosopher), Brian Ferry (singer), George Gershwin (composer), Pope Paul VI

Last thing received in the mail?

Book from - Mary Daly's Amazon Grace

Parent's names?

Dawie Johannes Pretorius, Marion Elizabeth Pretorius


Younger sister, just a chronological accident (the younger part), she developed socially before me, and then somehow I caught up.


Pretoria, Gauteng, South Africa

Current residence?

Pretoria, Gauteng, South Africa



Eye colour.?


Hair colour.?






Most attractive feature?

To me? My bulges


Dogs: Bart and Jack, Cats: Ripley and Jody (Aida died)

Colour. of underwear?


Colour. of socks?


Colour. is your bedroom's carpet?

No carpet, tiles - ceramic red, glazed

Perks of your job?

Car, maintenance and petrol, daytime food, casual dress, some control over working environment, unfettered surfing as long as my work is done.

How much do you love your job?

Not so much my job as surfing.

Inside or outdoors person?

Indoors, except if I can get into a swimming pool (no, don't like indoor pools).


No. Don't really want any. Enough are out there already in the process of being screwed up.

Favourite flavor?

Vanilla, chocolate, mint, wild berry

Favourite breakfast cereal?


Favourite candy?

BarOne, Peppermint crisp, Smarties

Favourite chips brand?

NikNaks, Big Corn Bites Tomatoes

Favourite salad dressing?

Blue Cheese


Computers, software, Dungeons and Dragons, movies, eating, socialising, reading, camping, eating, coffee, games, writing, dog training, people training, surfing, websiting, laughing, debating, witting, fly-on-the-walling, loving, documentary-ing, wis.dming, Facebooking


Internet, feminism, palm reading, movies, gaming, social networks

Favourite music

It's a shame by Talk Talk
Closer I am to Fine by the Indigo Girls
Guava Jelly by Barbra Streisand
Down Under by Men at Work

Favourite TV shows

Desperate Housewives
L Word
Six feet under

Favourite movies

Blade Runner
The Piano
Withnail and I
Butterflies are Free
Bobby Deerfield
Hotel New Hampshire
Dog Day Afternoon
Heaven Can Wait
Minority Report
The Pirate Movie
40 Carats
True Colors
White Palace
And Justice for All
Alien Resurrection
Soylent Green
The Village
The World According to Garp
Hotel New Hampshire
My Own Private Idaho

Favourite books and short story

The Cider House Rules
Geek Love
The Fat Man in History
Even Cowgirls get the Blues
World according to Garp
Jitterbug Perfume
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series

Favourite short story: Peeling (Peter Carey)

Favourite food?

Steak and Kidney Pudding (not pie, pudding)

Favourite breakfast food?


Favourite lunch?

Biltong and soda water

Favourite alcoholic beverage?

Dimple, Baileys

Favourite type of Ice?

Cherry slush

Favourite ice cream?

Country Fresh Vanilla Ice Cream

Favourite sorbet flavor?


Favourite soda?

Rooibos Iced Tea, Coke

Favourite restaurant?

Reubens, Franschhoek, Western Cape, South Africa

Favourite fast food restaurant?


Favorite toothpaste?

Mentadent P

Favorite deodorant?

Shield cotton

Favorite shampoo or conditioner?

Johnson & Johnson

Favorite perfume/cologne?


Favorite type of underwear?


Favorite shoes?


Favorite accessory?

Plain gold band

Favorite possession?

TV, DSTV, VCR, Computer, Books, photos

Favorite clothes?

Caftans, Big Blue Jersey

Favorite color?

Black, Green

Favorite number?


Favorite stone?

Water-smoothed stones

Favorite holiday?

Women's Day

Favorite day of the week?

Monday, fresh and new

Favorite flower?

Roses, not easy, work-sucking, pleasure when you see them, roses

Favorite smell?

Vanilla, onions on my hands, erotic

Favorite grade?

Standard 5, I spent it under a tree with a book

Favorite subject in school?


Favorite teacher?

Dr Walter McKay, Pretoria University

Favorite comic strip?

The Far Side, key this into Google and see 7,200 images, by Gary Larson (People I like). My favorite one is a single frame divided in two. At the top is a man lying in bed, moon shining outside, worrying "Does she love me?". At the bottom is a woman lying in bed, moon shining outside, dreamily, "I think I like vanilla ice cream." But I can't show it to you because Larsen is not copyleft. See my rant.

Favorite birthday present ever?

Stationary bicycle

Favorite fairy tale?

Esmerelda, The Golden Thread

Favorite poem(s)?

Anything by Philip Larkin

Favorite type of music?

Don't look! Johnny Mathis, Cliff Richard, Olivia Newton John

Favorite song(s)?

Clara, the Lilly of the West (Nana Mouskouri), Open Arms (Journey)

Favorite song you love but are embarrased to admit to?

Too late, it's all out there

Favorite Christmas carol?

Some song where Mary is an Oven and bakes Jesus the Bread for Nine Months

Favorite 5 movies, in order?

Bladerunner, Withnail and I, The Piano, You've got Mail, Butterflies are Free

Favorite 5 TV shows, in order?

ER, Survivor, The Persuaders, Globe Trekker, L Word

Favorite anchors, in order?

Ian Wright, Michael Parkinson, Oprah

Favorite 5 TV stars, in order?

Meg Ryan, Ellen Degeneres, Meryl Streep, Ann Archer, Kim Cattral

Which TV show would you like to make an appearance on?

Parkinson, he makes everyone look good

Favorite magazine(s)?

Time, O, but not really, you know?

Favorite character(s)

The Shrew in the 'Taming of'

Cartoon character you are most like?

Used to be Charlie Brown, but after I did this survey I had the sneaking suspicion that I am actually Lucy.

Favorite celebrities?

Tom Hanks, the Google Guys, Ellen Degeneres



Sesame Street character?

Miss Piggy (have I got the right show?)

Zoo exhibit?

Two Oceans Aquarium, spider crabs

Favorite sport to watch on TV?

If you hold me down in a Clockwork Orange fashion, kindness would constitute women's tennis

Sports team?

Huh? Team sports are bitch sessions.


Mini Cooper - update - I have heard that down here on the bottom of the planet, service by the agent is not so hot. True, I have discovered the same to be true for other agents, so what the hell. (I have) Mercedes 1992 with sunroof and speed control.

Place to live?

Europe, anywhere

Towns to chill in?

Cape Town, Prague

Mind-expanding town?



Used to be, but they took it away, have hunted for a petition to protest, no luck.

Amusement park ride?


What do you want for Christmas?

New computer, ADSL

If you were stranded on a desert island what book, album, and video would you want with you?

Johny Mathis Greatest Hits, The Feminist Dictionary, Butterfllies are Free

Which store would you choose to max your credit card?, Boardmans, Furniture City

If you could be any age, past, present, or future, what would it be?

17, really had fun with Cleave, I liked who I was

If you could live in any decade in history, what would it be?

1960s and 1970s, the Feminist era, Hollywood definitely

What childhood toy do you wish you still had?

I never had it, but I wanted SkyElectric

What movie makes you cry?

Bobby Deerfield

What appliance could you not live without?


Your lucky charm?

A squished old 2c coin

The person you worship the most?

Oprah, although... Ellen rather.

Your bedroom is like?

Actually, I sleep in the lounge, at the TV, which is on all the time, and it's really the only relevant thing in the room, but there is a mattress on the floor, a couch and a computer too.

Least favorite food?

Sweet potato

Least favorite school subject?

Math, although I was good at it.

Worst song you ever heard?

Anything that that guy, with the dark glasses who sings with KD Lang, sings.

Most embarrassing CD in your collection?

I never get embarrassed, luckily, because no one will listen to any of my music.

Are hot tubs better than pools?

No! Hot tubs are so unhygienic.

Is TV better radio?

Radio is better if I am working on my computer, it's hard to follow story lines on TV while on computer.

Is short better than tall?

Definitely tall is better, I stand out because I am tall and wide. Everyone else is kind of median, and it is difficult to distinguish between them if you don't spend tons of time with them.

Toilet paper over or underhand?

I don't really want to spend too long on this one.

Coke or Pepsi?

Coke, South Africa's version of Coke is not as sweet as America's.

Sprite or 7 Up?

Never tried 7 Up

Coffee or coffee ice cream?

Coffee ice cream

Creamy or crunchy peanut butter?

Alternate them for me please, one with crunchy, one with creamy.

Croutons or bacon bits?

Not really my sort of thing, but at my size, high-maintenance size, pass, not I will pass it up, pass them to me...!

What's the right way to eat a Reese's?

What's that?

Does cheese go on the bumpy or flat side of the Ritz?

Have you got OCD? Who cares? Pass, ditto!

White or brown bread?

Sweet, white, chewy, yeasty, warm, rolls

Beatles or Elvis?


Most attractive male and female celebrities?

Robert Downey Jr., Meg Ryan

Disney or Warner Brothers?

Disney, Walt the Old

What first catches your eye sexually?


What do you look for in a person?

Intelligence, a naivete about social (put-on) graces, unusual hands, unusual physical moving

If you could be any place right now, where would you choose?


Are you a dog or a cat person?

Dog, but only slightly, cats are real killers.

Razor, cream or wax?

I don't buy into the present-myself-as-a-pre-teen-for-a-pedophile thing.

Plane, train or automobile?

Train, with a Eurorail ticket.

Car or SUV?

Car, luxury

Lake, ocean or river?

Ocean, auditory reasons

Two or four door?

4, I don't want to have to get out when someone else wants to pee.

Childhood blanket or stuffed animal?

Panny, a Pink Panther who once had a bath about 18 years ago.

One pillow or two?

Four, goose down, One if that's too greedy.

What ended your last relationship?

The phrase, "Can we please have an open relationship?"

Which came first: the chicken or the egg?

Eggs came first, a version of coral releasing eggs into the sea. I like to imagine us eagerly swarming in the opposite direction to the leatherback, towards the land.

Do you believe in horoscopes?

Yes, naturally not the pop astrology kak, charts, professionally done.

Do you believe in past lives?

Yes. To not believe is to choose depression.

Do you believe in ouija boards?

Yes, been there.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes, been there too.

Do you believe in God?

I do, but he is closer to smart human, that schmaltzy test-giver.

Do you believe in religion?

Nah, not as a truth. As a ritual, regulator and spiritual alarm, yes.

Do you believe in aliens?

Yes. But I agree, it does seem peculiar that they haven't waved a flag and said, "We're heeerrre."

Do you believe in ghosts?

Ja, some people can't see auras, doesn't mean they're not there.

Do you believe in Evil?

Ja, why should Good be lonely.

Do you believe in abortion?

Yes, but we should be stricter as a society about until when they can be performed. A woman who is not responsible enough to take care of it early, no matter what, shouldn't be rewarded.

Alternative music?

I am prepared to wander as close as Love Cats by the Cure, but not an inch further.

Do you love yourself?

I have been accused of arrogance, that keeps my ego in check, more or less.

Does life have a meaning?

If you call 'fun' meaning.

What is it?

To have as much fun as possible, not giving away even seconds to un-fun.

Is honesty the best policy?

I lie to protect other people's secrets, blithely, but I don't lie about my stuff. Maybe one lie, yes one really icky one.

Are you the jealous type?

I get a wee bit hurt that I can't be everything to everyone, I know it's unrealistic, though.

What's your pet peeve?

People asking me zillions of questions when I am tense.

Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

Seethe for a bit, then get over it, but forgive only about a year later.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

An exponential thing of what I am now, more of everything, hopefully not fatter

What would you never give up?

It used to be cigarettes, now it's food, TV, computer. But top of the list is chocolate.

What do you fear most?

Death, rape, HIV/AIDS, cancer, paralysis, amputation, blindness, not having a computer and a TV, loneliness (in order of terror induction)

Most annoying thing?


What is your motto?

Blank, ummmm

Who do you look up to?

Ellen, Oprah

Who do you look up to in real life?

Girlfriend, committed partner 10 August 1996

What kind of work do you do?

Typesetting, among many other time-sucking-up type things

Do you cleanse your chakras?

If it doesn't require silence and stillness, I would give it a bash.

What are you listening to right now?

702 Talk Radio

Favorite solitary activity?

Reading, TV watching, bathing

What do you do most often when you are bored?

Boredom is for elitist people.

Word or phrases you overuse?

I hate men.


Watching TV, playing computer games


If I can get to bed by midnight, then I can get four and a half hours before I bounce out of bed.

What was the name of your first best friend?

Margaret Knight

What was the name of your summer camp?

South Africa has veldskool, mine was at Waterval-Boven, but it's a propaganda, military school, break them down and leave them to wallow thing. Nothing like Little Darlings.

Do you remember the camp song?

No singing, I think, just whining

Been toilet-papering?

No, and would never. What is this? Some sort of vile initiation type thing?

Been ding-dong-ditching?

Phwips, right over my head

Been toilet-papered?

I would kick up such a fuss that everyone would just slink away.

What was your first job?

First and only, typesetting

How many times did you fail your permit or driver's test?

Three times, eventually did it in an automatic.

How old were you when you had your first kiss?


Most romantic thing that ever happened to you?

She made me take it out.

How many people have you kissed romantically?


Can you remember all of their names?

I don't have a hope in hell.

Been in love before?

A couple of times

Been in crush before?

Minutely, i.e. once per minute.

Dumper or dumpee?


Loved somebody so much it made you cry?

Yes, months later my eyes still had a hair trigger.

Ever fell in love at first sight?

Yes, and she made me take it out again.

Ever been on a blind date?

Yes. What a stupid thing to do.

Ever been cheated on?

Yes, once, I hope.

Ever cheated?

Would never

Ever had sex in a public place?

Oh yes!

Most humiliating moment?

(A specific man) makes me blush, he makes me fumble, he makes me feel huge, but I would never, never, never, never, go back to men.

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

I don't own a costume, they only sell them for people who have pre-teen physiques or bay-watch physiques. There may be some irony here.

Played strip poker?

I am respectful enough that I wouldn't inflict my body on innocent bystanders, but would if they insisted, then all's fair.

Major childhood activity?




Paid for it?

Immediately that shit starts heading for the fan I deflect it by defending the lie with a reasonable reason (the other person would tell you if they wanted to, go ask them) and leave it at that. What's the bad part is when people start analysing the lies with conjecture. People who have secrets (that aren't of the life and death variety) should just let it go, so much easier with the truth, take it from me.

Cheated on a test?

When I was in primary school, before I had a sense of what I wanted myself to be, or even knew that I could be, or should be (according to me, not society).

Run away from home?

Sort of. I spent weeks at Bridget Telford's house. Her mother thought I was one of her kids.

Broken the law?

Many times

Ever ridden in a police car?

A razor's edge between yes and no, but no.

Been arrested?

Again, a pinpoint.

Been convicted of a crime?


Ever ridden in an ambulance?


Have you ever been in a car crash?

Four times: once a guy reversed into an entrance I was coming into, once I rear-ended someone who had stopped in the middle of the road, once a woman bashed into me while I was mostly on the pavement, once a woman flew through a red robot because she was under the dashboard, late for a wedding, and putting on her shoes.

When was your last hospital visit?

I was about 6 and was stung by a bee, had to have an injection.

Ever broken a bone?


Ever been in a fistfight?

Sibling squabble, it's not the same.

Had a medical emergency?

No, actually yes, I was bitten by a dog very badly, but I refused to go for a tetanus injection.

Gotten beaten up?


Ever seen a dead body?


Ever seen a ghost?


Been to Africa?

Hello, live here...

Been to America?

No. Way, way, way too expensive.

Have you ever seen a black swan?

Hint: If one has a TV one has seen everything, even ghosts.

What was your most embarrassing hair incident?

My sister pointed out my unwashed hair at a birthday party, in front of my new girlfriend and all of my parents friends.

What was the best costume you ever wore?

I want to go to a costume party as Hitler, but have never been to one.

Which of your accomplishments in the last year are you most proud of?

I have been setting tasks and finishing them in general, that impresses me, but most impressive is I sent a letter to my bank manager with a sexism complaint.

What do you hope to have accomplished in the next year?

Started writing my book

When was the last time you took a shower?

This morning



Received flowers and from whom?

Client, so long ago

Watched Bambi?

With my eyes slitted up in the bad parts... 1986


Bunches of months ago

Got a real letter?

Haven't even had a real email for two years

Gave to charity?


What was the last book you read?

Oryx and Crake

What was the last CD you bought?

Jane Olivor: Stay the Night

What will be the next CD you buy?

Tears for Fears, Greatest Hits

Do you play the lottery?

Now and then, if I have money in my wallet and the opportunity comes up, and someone else will monitor whether or not my numbers came up.

Ever win?

I have won R28,00

Best thing that happened to you today?

I feel wide awake and organized

Future kids?

Jemima, Jillian, Marion

Future pets?

Marion, Jillian, Memima, Kiki, Darrell

Future art gallery


Future car?

The Tank

Future self?

Ingrid Bergman

Who are your best friends?

Katty, Antoinette

Who you chat with most?


Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away?


A nice thing about the person you miss the most?

John's wit and honesty, plain funness, without any foibles or elitisms.

Craziest/silliest person you know?

John, dah

Do you get along with your parents?

NO to father, YES to mother

What color is the underwear of the person next to you?

I have never seen it, but I would say, blue or white, on a guess

Who do you look up to?

Ellen, The Google Guys

Who did you last tell you loved them?

Her, Daily

Last person you went to dinner with?

Her, Daily, unfortunately (costly)

What food does your mom cook better than anyone else?

Mommy cooked a divine vegetable soup, and a wonderful stew

Who has been your friend the longest?

They are leaving the ship like rats, OVERBOARD! - Cleave. He lives in London now and we still see each other now and then.

Who is the last person that you got e-mail from before this one?


What was the name of your first pet and why?

Imaginatively, Whiskey - a gingerish tabby. More interestingly was a pedigree poodle named Bon Bon, after those sweets - you know the ones whose name we don't know anymore, that are sucking sweets, round and black, with other layers inside, oh so many layers newly discovered since the birth of the Rainbow Nation - his real name was Cesare (would you believe that I thought Cesare more pretentious than Bon Bon).

What was the first car your family had?

I don't particularly remember anyone except one that you used to have to wait while it lifted it's bum.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

In order of preference, game ranger; author; domestic servant; personal assistant.

What was the name of your elementary school?

Hillcrest Convent

Who was your first best friend?

Margaret Knight, and Margaret, if you are ego surfing and find this, my psychic thinks that we should make contact again. I have trawled the web for you, but I think you have given your surname away to a man. And Sister Rosalie thinks you moved to Canada?

Are you still friends today, and if not, what happened?

I don't know what happened. I think I just didn't realise the import of the amount of fun we had then.

What was your favorite board game?

I love games! Pictionary might be the favorite, but I like the togetherness of playing more than the actual games.

Did you play house or other make believe games?

I would, but no one will play with me. Not because I am not a good game player, because they 'don't like games'.

Were you a Dungeons and Dragons geek?

Naturally. What are these strange questions? But then the Dungeon Master (male) fell in love with me, and I am only interested in girls, and even if I were interested in boys I would not be interested in him, so that made things awkward.... I realise now that I should have stuck it out, offered him a little nooky on the side. But I was young, I thought I could easily find another Dungeon.

Did you sleep with stuffed animals as a kid?

Panny (Pink Panther, in the old style of pink - hot pink, not the baby pink nonsense they served up later) and just so that all the panthers are out the bag, I gave Panny up at 22. I am normal, I have vices just like you, so don't point fingers.

Do you still sleep with stuffed animals?

Whew, I gave it up before I was asked the real sweat-inducing questions.

Who was the first person you looked up to when you were younger?

Cringe. I was so young. I looked up to the exact opposites of who I now look up to. Not through a fault of my own, because people just aren't lekker, their screws are loose.

Who was your favorite relative?

Mommy. We watched video after video after video together. Chattering all the way.

Were you short or tall in elementary school?

I was always the tallest, still am. And I have only met a couple of guys taller than me and only one girl.

Were you teased in school?

Not really, once or twice. But because I was so huge I suppose everyone was scared of me. And those that weren't scared of me were intimidated by my perfect accent and my vast knowledge of polysyllabic words. And, I am confrontational, always have been. Mmm? These are my grown up thougths, I wonder what the real reason is.

What was the name of your favorite teacher?

So, so many. I loved teachers, they posessed all the knowledge I wanted. Sister Rosalie, Sister Elizabeth, Mrs Nikitas, Mrs Richards, Mrs van Aswegen, Dr McKay... I can't remember all their names!

What was the name of your least favorite teacher?

Dickface. Some guy that came from Wits and hated me because I smoked. Real mature.

What was your best subject in school?


What was your worst subject in school?


Did you do well in Physical Education?

No, I always had a headache during that class.

Were you clumsy when you were younger?

Yes, although I was a good sportswoman. I was better with balls than trays.

Who was your favorite band as a kid?

The first music I liked was Cliff Richard, still adore him

What was your favorite movie as a kid?

Heaven can Wait - the one with Dyan Cannon, Julie Christie and Warren Beatty. Just my luck I live in a country that this 8 Academy Award film has never been heard of by the video shop pimpled cashiers.

Did your parents read to you?

I don't think so, I know that by the time I was 7 Mommy took over my Reading Education and I had no need of anybody reading to me from then on.

Did you have a favorite book?

Current favorite is The Cider House Rules. But back then I was a Heidi and Pollyanna fanatic.

What was your favorite restaurant as a kid?

Anyplace that served Bacon and Eggs at any hour.

What TV or movie star did you have a crush on?

Harrison Ford. Ja, like I said "and then they turn out to not be lekker'. In Ford's case he divorced his wife and chases teenagers. And don't tell me that they are over 20, in America a 20 year old is treated like a teenager by their government (alcohol laws - that are inconsistent with voting laws - one can make a life decision like who to vote for but one cannot decide to have a beer at a restaurant - this logic escapes me), and 20 year olds are very young thinking, immature. And if you are thinking of arguing, don't. I have Jessica Simpson lurking under my belt as ammunition - you know her - the one who doesn't know that tuna is a fish and not a chicken? See Mary Daly quote about necrophilia.

Do you now wonder what you were thinking?

I still recognize what appealed to me then, and it's biorythmical - he's very masculine, large hands, great neck, but my brain wouldn't let me anymore.

Who was your first crush in school?

Ooh, I couldn't say her name, she would be mortified. I followed her, beneficently. But my gaydar was definitely in good working order at 13. At 30 I saw her at a Gay Film Festival with her girlfriend.

As a child, what kind of car did you want when you grew up?

Silliness. This is embarrrassing, I am stopping. A TR7, OK!?

Did your parents spank you?

No. But Mommy did hit me once, ironically, on that specific occasion, I wasn't really doing anything bad, it was an accident. My sister was sitting accross from me with a cup of coffee in front of her. We were arguing and I got up to stomp out of the room. I pushed the table forward instead of my chair backward and she got doused.

Did your parents fight a lot when you were a kid?

They had a pact to not let the kids know. But there was one occasion that it broiled over. As soon as they realized the kids knew, they made up.

Did your parents get divorced or stay married?

Stayed married, happily. And I can tell you, out of all my friends, I was the only one with happily married parents. I had friends who had married parents, but they were real peculiar relationships.

Who would you sleep with (if you met them in real life [and they wanted to])? inspired by Ross' laminated list in Friends.

Tom Hanks, Ben Stiller, Mikhial Baryshnikov, Meg Ryan (before the fixups), Robert Downey Jr, Andy Garcia, Ellen Degeneres - in the reverse order, and later, all at once

Did you ever run away from home?

Bridget's mother thought I was one of her kids.

How old were you when/if you first got glasses?

12. Previously I thought chalk was a very mussy thing to write with, couldn't they use something more efficient?

Did you need braces or a retainer?

A retainer

If you're male, how old were you when you had your first wet dream?

Explain to me why this question only applies to boys? About 9. I am now really pissed off. Are girls not allowed sexuality when they are young, is it 'not expected' and 'actively discouraged'. Or, let me guess, it's because if we acknowledged that girls have sexuality when they are young then some pervert would want to take advantage of it - lock the fuckers up, rip their balls out through their necks. Grr.

Both sexes when did you start shaving?

Another bone of contention. I think the fact that you (yes, you) ask girls to shave is plugging into the hairless, pre-pubescent thing so that the pervert paedophiles will want to fuck them, until the girls get older then the men will start fucking their kids and telling them to shave so that pervert dreams of fucking pre-pubescents will last a bit longer so the men don't have to go on the prowl to find yet another victim, or no, of course, that isn't the problem, they just want their complete harem, as many as possible, to be pre-pubescent. See Mary Daly.

Girls when did you start wearing a bra?


What was your first kiss like?


What did you do on your first date?

I don't even remember, it was stupid and boring.

How old were you when you first drank?

Too young.

Where was your first house?

I am still pissed off, I cannot concentrate. Sorry. Am off to read Gyn/Ecology by Mary Daly.

{Tanya Pretorius' Bookmarks: Me, The Ultimate Survey}



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